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Glory Carrier
Motherhood is nurturing and rewarding. The fact that I get to carry this innocent being is what makes this journey so beautiful and divine. I am realizing that not only are our children intricately created and molded by God inside of our wombs for 9 trying months, but God chooses us to continue the process He started. We give reverence back to God's work in the womb through guiding, teaching, and disciplining our children which is all centered around Christ. We get the honor of pointing our children back to Jesus—the one who established his or her identity before our very own existence. We should be honored to love these precious beings while nurturing their spirits and protecting their souls. So, I can't seem to thank the Lord enough for the gift He intentionally created in my womb. It's hard to wrap my mind around the revelation that the Lord chose me to carry my sweet baby boy. He has become more of a legacy than my paintings would ever be.
There is also the side that is bittersweet and demanding. It becomes even more unfortunate when you're dealing with your own emotions and still trying to figure out life. How many times have I found myself in tears forgetting to rest in the Lord? Or the times I am too worried, burdened, and burnt out to even create? I want to acknowledge not only the side effects of motherhood but I believe that sometimes we may forget that there is someone we can turn to, a redeemer and restorer when we find ourselves in these dark seasons.
My Journey
I have this bundle of joy but, I haven't created art in weeks, honestly months, and sometimes I feel like I am incapable of balancing it all. And then my peace is under attack. I don't have an answer for how you or I are feeling. But what I can say is to be present in what the Lord has blessed you with, rest, and also understand that it's impossible to walk this journey alone. Know that He is not putting you in a position to choose one or the other. To know that He wants you to be liberated in everything that makes you YOU and this includes everyone that is a part of you.
Grace, trust, and Truth
Sometimes the challenge is to balance it all. But your life and the way He created it, was supposed to be orchestrated this way. Because if God trusted me to carry my sweet boy for nine trying months, surely He saw that I would endure it. Surely He saw that I would get through the hardest seasons of my life. He's the author of my entire story and journey, from beginning to end. The Lord gets a panoramic view of my entire life while I only see what I am dealing with at the moment. While I only see the worries of being a mother through my own cloudy lens but, this is minuscule to what the Lord is doing.
In Philippians, Paul spoke of the Lord's joy and peace while sitting in a prison. A prison that was barren, terrifying, dark, and soiled. A place that should be difficult for anyone to find peace in. But it is true that in our dark seasons of chaos, worry, or doubt, peace is available to us through Jesus Christ.
Peace that Surpasses All Understanding
Overwhelming thoughts or anxiety take over, attacking what was created to be the most beautiful journey on this earth called motherhood. Don't allow the enemy or your flesh to attack the most precious gift of all. Instead of giving my every burden and worry to my Father, I first try to find my way out of the dark season to find the peace I need. I try to seek solutions through my own will. I attempt to separate myself from the chaos, but in the spiritual, I am only separating myself from Him because He was there in the chaos all along.
He has the desire for me to have joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. If you think about worldly peace, we know that it is only present when chaos or conflict isn't. But what does the peace of God look like? Paul didn't receive peace when He was freed from the prison, because peace had already come along with the Holy Spirit. He had access to it right in the middle of a dark season, an entire prison. The major key is I don't need to be separated from my complex roles as a nourisher to receive this gift of His. The gift of peace is available to us amid temper tantrums and when our little ones no longer want to listen, or become rebellious no matter the age. It's available to me when the voice of my worries drown out His voice. It is available when my home feels chaotic and it seems I have no control. Lastly, it's available when I begin to lose sight of who I am.
If we would just let go of trying to gain control and let God guide us through the dark, we will find ourselves in a bright season. An abundant season full of hope, joy, and peace. Peace that will guard our hearts and minds as we live in Jesus Christ. Our families deserve a woman who is truly anchored and satisfied in what and who the Lord has called her to. And that calling is to know Him. No matter what chaos, rebellion, or jumble takes place in your home or mind, your spirit is anchored and your identity is not disturbed because you know the Lord. Your Faith is not moved because you spend time in His presence.
Come out of Spiritual Darkness
God gives grace to the woman who seeks it and who seeks him in hard moments. As we learn to rest in Him, He covers, renews, and still uses us no matter how disordered we may feel. The problem is we have shut off communication with God in those areas of our everyday lives because we get consumed in our roles. Be encouraged to let God speak to the identity He gave you before you became a mama and wife and apply it to the life you are living now. Because His word has never changed about you, it has only evolved. You were first His daughter. So, allow Him to speak to those unfulfilling, overwhelming, or dismissed moments that settled in your subconscious and be made new again.
Through the crooks and crannies of those busy and overwhelming days, you can find a quiet moment of worship to seek Him, slow down, meditate on His word, and be filled. Remember that before you were a mother, you were God's daughter. I am also here to remind you that you still are. Myself included. It doesn't matter how old you think you may be or how chaotic your life is. You, mama, belong to the Lord. The successful business, how well you serve others, or how well you balance life does not matter to Him. None of these things define who you are. And we will no longer seek our identity through what doesn't matter to Him, which is perfection.
My prayer for you is as your relationship with the Lord grows from here and beyond, that He continues to release His word over you to strengthen your identity, stir up dreams, or give you the spiritual rest that you need. That your heart allows Him to pour into your Spirit before you pour into others. And even when you feel dry, you will still give your last in worship and thanksgiving. As you take the steps to nourish the relationship you have with Him, the relationship you have with your children will become nourished and unveil fruit. That the relationship you have with yourself will unveil even more fruit. The relationship between you and your children, will not dissipate but it will evolve. I pray that as our babies get older the Holy Spirit will reveal how we can continue to add value to the relationship we have with them. Finally, with every role and responsibility that comes with being a woman you will wear it well because it has been submitted to Him.